just call me..

I will not be used. Let me say that now. No by you, or anyone else looking for a free ride. Riding my coat tails while I stress and bend my back so far I feel the tension for years. Not to those who call themselves friends, tucking their ears underneath the wool. Who befriend you for the people you know and the places you could potentially take them. Who click pictures by the dozen because your clothes are the latest and you get the right attention. They ask all the in depth questions in your time of need and silly vulnerable you says what's on your mind, thinking your temporary therapist would exercise that confidentiality. But what you didn't expect was for that person to let their own issues of rejection over ride their judgement. Their envy proceeds them and simple curiosity turns into a tunnel-visioned mission to use and destroy any good that they see inside of you. The point is always clear. It's to make you feel guilty about something. Being too young, or too tall, or dressing too sexy, or being too happy. And when you feel guilty, you feel bad about yourself, and the worst part about it is you don't know why.

Misery loves company. Remember that saying? When thought about using a child's mind, it doesn't make much sense for a feeling to need anything. But then again, if you were miserable wouldn't you want somebody to visit and cheer you up? Mad people want other people to be mad with them so the both of you can sit and compare issues and go through the absurdity of competing to see whose are worse. It makes them feel good to be able to point out the flaws in others so they wont have the time to figure out the fuck ups of themselves. Either that, or have grown up being told that something was wrong with them by their parents, or other said important figure in their lives. When I am encountered by these people in their many forms and levels of audacity it stuns me, but serves as my little reminder. Telling me that just when I start to look into the mirror and think I'm just like everyone else, there's always someone there to remind me I still got spark left! I'm glad I'm at a point where I can do nothing and be happy with that. It took a lot to change from being so impulsive, falling into misery's trap, and knocking myself off my steady groove. But there's no need to dig up evidence to prove my innocence. Because I hold no guilt in my heart for my feelings and therefore have no need to prove anything. 

I won't be used by you just so you can feel superior. Trying to over sex me to cloud my mind. Quickly I forget what's important and disregard how you called me out my name when we argued. And I can't stand how you use emotions to make me feel like you care. Causing me to consider your feelings before my own. But you don't want me to love you, it's all for manipulation. Cheaters. Beaters. Love her and Leave -ers. All of them dealing with some sort of issue or demon. Mostly with control being its main purpose. Why do some men feel the need to control? Lowering their object of affection's self worth and feeding his own need to fill a hole that control can never fill. Down playing the role and significance of a woman knowing deep down that the only person who encouraged and nurtured him was his mother. Sadly, some people weren't held enough, or were constantly told that they're just like their daddy's who left and won't amount to much. At some point, the hurt feelings have to be faced and let go so you can stop telling people that your gucci man bag is full of money instead of the disappointments and life let-downs that really reside there. If a woman chooses you, there's no need to control her. Just fine tune your selection process and hopefully the number of domestic disputes will decline.

Capitalism is the new practiced faith and the 48 Laws of Power is the Bible [if you will] that corresponds. Let's face it, everyone gets used in one way or another. Either in the capacity of good or evil, it's all on you how you get used. After lessons learned, hats tried, roles played, I'm well satisfied with my position. I won't be used as the stepping stone for you. You know my name. Just call me  useless.