young and restless.

I've been re-thinking a few things lately. And I'm not sure if it's entirely because I'm fixated on my current routine or because some things sincerely need to be reconsidered. My process of withdrawing myself from my previous addictive lifestyle has just begun and it's torture. I'm used to everything being so extreme and excessive and life was exciting and oh so 'important'. It feels like social shock to live 'normally' and the side effect I suffer from this is anxiety. I feel anxious most of the day always ready to go somewhere. I'm definitely one of those girls who likes to do my hair for no reason and wear cute outfits around the house just cause. I've been having to do it just to keep my sanity. I enjoyed my time in the house and away from everything, but after month 9, I'm starting to feel finicky. My Mr. works in a club and because of it has no desire in going out unless it's professionally beneficial. And I don't really have people that I can tolerate in that capacity so... yeah. That's my situation. I'm not too worried about finding clubbing comrade's, with my new job starting in a few days in the popular Castleberry area, but I am concerned about the "life of my man". Herstory has made every one of my sweeties my best friend at the times that we dated. A friend is important, but spunk is important too. I love to get gussied up and hit a club and get drunk enough to want nothing but Waffle House, sweaty sex, and sleep. What's wrong with that? All I'm saying is that there has to be a balance. A spot that I'm itching for. Where everyone can win instead of one having their wants surpressed into nothing. I feel like I'm too young to compromise so much. I used to feel like modesty, humbleness, and generosity were nobel qualities. And I still do, but I also believe that there's a time and place for everything. Now is not the time for me to be modest. Is there such thing as having a mini midlife crisis at 25? Well technically 26 in two weeks which could well be the stem of my contemplation. If I could predict the future I would say that my birthday will be similar to the the previous few... nice dinner at Two Urban Licks [one of my fav's], kush session accompanied with japanamation, and a night cap. Then again, if I were psychic these questions wouldn't exist. Sounds nice because it is. Problem is I'm just not sure if nice is enough anymore.