the tale of the "happy" one

I've been told I'm fake. Maybe not in those exact words, but I've been informed that I'm walking around acting like I'm something I'm not. To me, that's a safe translation. I know what I am and say it proudly. The problem is that self appointed know-it-all's want to use their outside observation to tell me things about myself that they feel I'm confused about. People who have no credibility and who have let their mistakes turn them into miserable misers because they can't let go. I just want them to take "all they know" and fix their own lives to benefit themselves. Because my spirit is straight, like 9:15.

A lot of people walk around with personal guilts. Either pre-disposition by our parents [my Mom used to accuse me of having an attitude problem] or are fostered by of our lack of knowledge [my nephew's friend who killed herself because she was drinking underage and was raped]. Being able to let go of those types of emotions are difficult, especially if you don't have a support system of positive people who won't let you drown in your own pool of self pity. It makes me happy to know that I have so much love from my family and no matter what I did/do, they always accept me and is there for me. I recognize a lot of things in my life that make me happy. Things that have no dollar amount and have no substitutions. I've learned at an early age that looks, money, nice clothes, luxury period could be taken away just as easily as it's given. I look forward to how good the weather feels, a cold Red Stripe after a long day, an extended house mix cd. Shit that's so random but so right on time. Does that mean that my outlook on life is fabricated? Or because simple things make me smile, I want little out of life? I'm here to say differently. Money matters to me. Nice things in general are things I want in my life. But they aren't the things that keep me looking forward to another day. Being an aunt, a sister, a daughter, ect. is what defines me. Those are the things that I would fall for any day of the week.

My glass is always half full. And I'm always going to tell you that things will get better because they will. I'm a witness. The world needs people like me and maybe if the 'pity committee' had someone like me to tell them it's going to be ok, they wouldn't have such a bleak, dog-eat-dog mentality, constantly pointing out others faults. The whole concept is simple. Happiness is a choice that you ultimately make. Either celebrate the inconvenient or do something about it. I choose to be "happy" because I chose to believe there's something bigger than me. Something bigger than designer shoes and fancy cars. Thinking of my unborn children and all the people I plan on helping throughout my lifetime makes me smile.

I say I'm "happy" because I am. In my heart, I really am. And no, everyday doesn't go my way. But it's mine all the same to make into whatever I please. That could be either bad, with mishaps and sour expressions, or good with roller skating and family movie night. The choice is yours.

It's a shame that people don't believe that I am genuinely happy; with the way things turned out thus far. And for all of those who have so much hate in their hearts that they hope I'm less than what I am, can shove that shit where it don't shine.

In Pursuit of Happiness Whatever That Means.

this is what is means to me... what does it mean to you?