i can't wait for my life to begin!

Does that make any sense? I mean, I've had my share of experiences and have done many things to make me feel 'alive', but I mean I'm ready to establish my legacy. My personal empire that's going to let me live the kind of life I've dreamed of. My corporate lifestyle was short lived. It turns out the economy has effected everyone. When I was informed that a wealth and money management firm couldn't afford to pay it's employees for the past pay period I knew it was time to take matters into my own hands. I went back to my quick financial solution [i.e. the club] after a six month hiatus. I still feel the same about wanting a job vs. a career, because the "trap" is exactly that... a trap. There's no real future or advancement and who wants to spend their entire life being that sort of 'yes man'? Regardless of what most will think and say, no one's going to take care of me better than me. And at this point in time, I'm not trying to be 'saved'. I mean, if someone sees the potential in me and has the time to be there in the way they say, then they can help out. But I no longer believe sugar daddies exist. After the illusion is created [good food, bottles at the club, a few extra dollars] and you decide to compromise yourself, the object of the game is completed, because he can control the entire situation. 

Calls get ignored, waiting all day for your "allowance", cell phone and cars in their name are the protocol for the modern day sugar daddy. 

It sounds real glamorous to live on someone else's ticket. I mean, playing someone's doll can be very fun... until they get tired of the attitude that we all get when we're comfortable, and realize that there's other pussy available. And all the trips, shopping sprees, and furnished apartments were all tools to control you. At the end of most affairs with sugar daddies, the mistress is none the wiser. She posesses no useful knowledge on how to maintain the lifestyle she now requires. I respect the message in songs like "miss independent", "she got her own" because it's saying what's ultimately respected. Whether it's accepted or not, respect is one thing that definitely screams: LONGEVITY. 

In the past few days, I've met a couple 'captain save 'em's who sound real interested in furthering my cause. What I try to explain [because I like to be clear] is that I have officially reached jaded. My eyes have been opened. I have seen the light! Bottom line: I'm not as naive as I look and I know the difference between a man who wants to be with me, and a man who wants to play with me. I want to invest my time in someone who's going to teach me something and support my dreams. It's such a turn off when a guy can't even wait 24 hours before he's pressing all on you and expected the whole rump roast and potatoes. 

Every VIP in my life always advices me to focus on something, and go for it! Sounds easy enough, and it would be if I weren't interested in so many things. My business minded friends tell me to go where the money is. My creative friends tell me to follow my heart and do something I love. Why can't I do both? They make it sound so: "one of the other". But maybe for right now, that's how I have to look at things, because I'm starting to feel my age with every order or buffalo wings and I can't trust the government for my retirement plan. So... yeah. School has been on my mind for a while now, and it's about time I finish that chapter of my life anyway. I'm narrowing down my major, which used to be journalism, but doesn't seem to be necessary anymore. I'll have something singled out sooner than later. until then...