sober house

When in the process of breaking bad habits, you have to drastically change the way you live. If you shop a lot and want to cut back, it might not be a good idea to meet your friend at the mall to 'keep her company' while she shops. Rules have to be made and set and you can definitely expect sacrifice. Before the new year came, I knew exactly what needed to be done to make this year a better one for me. I knew the dormant, dominant side of me really has to come out in order to make what I want in my life to happen. The major things that I wanted to change has, or is in the process of changing, but there's a hump that I can't seem to get over. I'm still hanging on to people and situations that so need to be leg go. Things that I feel are drastically holding me back from living the life I want to. I'm not sure if it's feelings I'm trying to spare or what but I have to get in mode to over ride those feelings and start being a little more selfish. That's something that I can say I've never really been. At least not in a long time. It used to seem ridiculous to me to make such a big fuss. But after waiting for someone else to cherish me and do the things I wished they would, I understand how someone could get so wrapped up in themselves. 

The feeling of making someone else smile and feel good is unlike nothing else I've experienced but lately I haven't been smiling much. All because of this one thing. So for the umpteenth time, there's no "nice" way of going about the inevitable. There's never a right "time" for anything. The feeling of helping other people has been my addiction for so long, but let's get serious, there's no making anyone else happy if my tank is on low. So the good foot is what I'm on before I'm left with yet another regret.

This shit is going to be like rehab. For real. Life with no distractions is gonna be a little... boring.