sex is on my mind

I've been thinking about sex lately. What it means, the level of importance it's reached on my personal list, how taboo its become, how it still makes grown people uncomfortable. How folks are still unaware of their own preferences, how it's everywhere. Recently, I've had an encounter that definitely qualified as an 'exhale' moment. In my previous relationships I was afraid to tell my lover what I liked. I never told them when something just wasn't working for me. I would just move with them and enjoy the smell of their skin, the warmth of their body, and that would be enough. I don't know, I really didn't want to bruise the fragile male ego and fuck up our sex life in the future. Now guys, before you get upset, most of you don't know how to take constructive criticism when it comes to the bedroom. Tv has lied to men so much by making them believe that as soon as they climb on top/side/behind, whatever, the sensation of their 'member' is so euphoric that the girl starts going crazy and a few minutes later, she's climaxing. Sorry to disappoint, but that's not how it works at all. I've had to throw the "F" word in so many anxious encounters. Foreplay is so important fellas, stop being selfish and get with the movement!

Since we have the honor of bearing children in the most painless way made physically possible, [I suppose], the sensation of a penis isn't always enough. Don't get me wrong, we feel you, but it takes a little bit more to take us to the leg shaking, stuttering, condition you so long to achieve. Or as I like to call it: the mountain top. I had been searching for the way to get there, and I've found a few things that I hold to be true to eliminate a lot of issues that hold most back from having satisfying sex:

be honest! Ladies, if you like to be spanked and choked from time to time, tell him! Fellas, if you like your girl to put on the wig and be a totally different woman tonight, or wants you to talk to him in that Ana Nicole voice, tell her! You never know, they could be a freak just like the rest of us.

be open. Fellas, if your lady tells you she likes to be spanked and choked from time to time, that doesn't mean she's a hoe. Ladies, if he asks you to do a little role play doesn't mean that he wishes you were someone else. If you want the heat, you have to endure the kitchen.

don't be selfish. Part of the responsibility of sex [yeah, there's responsibility in everything] is to not worry about your own desires only. We're dealing with people, not tools, or stress relievers. Watching someone else getting off, can help you get there too... and you should want to have a good referral. 

choose wisely. Pick someone to be intimate with who you feel completely comfortable with. Someone who can experiment things with you, without feeling cheapened or compromised and knows the gift of discretion. 

get passed yourself. Every woman I know would love to spend their lives with tall, handsome, muscular men with 9 inches or more, an generous heart, and a bottomless bank account. Every man I know would love to marry a woman with long indian hair [naturally], has 36-25-45 measurements, light eyes, and Patti Labell's cookbook and technique down. But the reality is that it doesn't happen everyday, well, ever. So throw away the list of the perfect mate from 7th grade away and get real!

I find it sexy the way most people can separate the professional and the sexual deviant. Not everyone needs to know or should know all your treasures that make you different from 'that chick'.  I've got to thank my professor for giving me this recent sexual enlightening, it would be unfair to attribute it completely on age. Thanks for encouraging me to be me and releasing so much pent up frustrations and fears. Now maybe I can chill the fuck out!