Line of demarcation [a parte dois]

Ok, I admit it, it took a little longer than I expected for the 'follow up' of the previous post. I just needed some time to access everything. That, and at this point in time, I still have to partially censor myself for sanity's sake. One thing that I've observed when it comes to relationships  is the funny way one person literally disappears until it completely becomes about just the one person. Or as the benefactor would call it "us". Men have a lesser tendency to bend themselves so most of the time, it's the lady who has to be the one to take the back seat or adjust her behavior in order for the relationship to continue. The view of the scale is unbalanced but... what are you gonna do about nature? See? Women are stubborn in our own right too and we usually choose to flex our muscle when we feel like we've had enough. When our emotions are run ragged it's exhausting to hold it all together. The line of demarcation is the breaking point. A time when you mentally slap yourself across the face and say enough is enough. And embark change.

My opinion and expectations of what a relationship is has drastically changed over the past year and a half. I am so old school when it comes to the dynamics of men and women. I enjoy my meek manner and don't mind letting my man playing his part. I've had 3 serious boyfriends and just recently, my current love and I have observed the dreaded one year. Why dreaded? Because it's just enough time where you feel you know everything that you're going to know about that person but at the same time, it's enough time for the comfort to set in. Ridiculous misunderstandings, category 5 arguments, the 'laxed disregard of the little things, all of that. Not talking about my relationship, I'm just saying. hehe.

Anyway, I'm mildly p.o.'ed at myself for becoming the invisible girl. Wrapping myself in boy shorts, wife beaters, and wit in order to be seen. Don't get me wrong, playing dress up has been fun, but recently, I woke up. I think. My intuition ended up working in my favor and it made me think about what needed to happen in order for things to change. It was 'fun' going through the process of what is wrong with whom. Hearing and releasing suppressed feelings. But I pretty much had my mind made up after the first 15 minutes of madeness. It makes me smile to know that with this crazy Atlantan ratio of men and women, the one I chose has chosen to meet me half way. I have no problem investing time into someone with purpose, but at this point, it's time to show myself, that that's me, too. I got too comfy. So it's obvious the resolution is that it's me who has to change. Surprise! I'm sure Mr. Mr. is relieved to have the stress of the introspection off his shoulders, but the funny thing about change is, you might not always like what is changed or what it's changed into. Even though a lot of guys these days are looking for a woman who has herself established and totally 'together', I know they would feel completely useless if we didn't need them for anything. 

You kinda have to take the good with the bad and have the sanity to understand that everyone has been damaged by some bitch or bitch-ass nigga, but that's everyone. It's hard to put yourself out there and be fearless when it comes to love and in my opinion, leaving love out all together cuts yourself from some sort of hidden blessing. You have to go with what you feel, or if you're the practical type, make a list. It's bittersweet that anyone has to change, instead of people just swallowing that things just might not work out, just cause. Either you stay or you leave. Evolve or remain the same. I've chosen my pill, and I've got my tall drink of water to ease it down.